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This journey to becoming a leader has taken some unusual twists and turns. It is hard to know where to begin. But the net is, I thought I’d be stepping forward into something. Yet it seems like I am actually stepping backward into something.
Stepping backward is not a bad thing. Particularly if, due to unconsciousness, arrogance or both, you have put your self in a position that is ahead of where you are, where you should be, or both. The net is, in this case it feels right.
Let me make this less obscure by giving you two examples. Mind you, these are just two examples of how my life is changing as I work with One Client, the one client I am on retainer with this year in order to assist myself in the journey to becoming a leader.
For four years I’ve been “leading” this monthly executive team tactical meeting for the CEO. When people gave their progress updates, they’d look to Pamela (my business partner) or me. And typically, I’d be running the meeting, so they’d look primarily to me. This meeting, which should have been one of the most important for the the CEO and his senior leadership team, was seen as “Otis and Pamela’s meeting.” This put us in a unique position in the company–and looking back, a somewhat strange one.
Gary, a C-level executive, handed out a single page at last month’s meeting. It was a quotation by Peter Drucker saying that ‘most of what we call management actually makes it more difficult for people to do their work.’ Gary, a brilliant man, is quite passive-aggressive with equal intensity. This wasn’t unexpected. Gary hates these meetings. In one way or another, he lets everyone know in each meeting. The problem is, Gary won’t tell you why he hates these meeting. He pulls a stunt like that, and the energy bleeds out of the room for 1o minutes.
I’ve known for some time that there is something right about Gary’s reasons for hating the meeting. So, at last month’s meeting, I called his stunt. I told the team–all 15 of ‘em–that Pamela and I would contact each to get their feedback on the meeting… how to improve it, whether to continue it. We told them we’d review the information with the CEO, George, and ask him to make any adjustments he wanted to make. So we did.
There we sat with George last Wednesday, reviewing the findings. We saved Gary’s comments for last. I said to George, “He didn’t straight out say it, but what Gary really feels is that you need to run this meeting.” George looked at Pamela and me over his reading glasses, thinking. And he said, “I think I should. I think when people are giving their updates they should look me in the eyes. That will increase accountability.”
The next day that happened, George led the meeting. Pamela and I shifted into a support role. I stepped backward, and boy was that right. It was their best meeting ever, and given that accountability is actually one of their initiatives this year, the note just got sounded right at the epicenter of the organization… as it should be, as it must be. Otherwise, it wouldn’t work.
It is very important for you to know that this would not have happened had we simply resisted Gary. Gary can be so incredibly annoying that we could have avoided this altogether–no one would have expected us to do what we did. In fact, we likely had the “power” to get one of the two people above him to ask him to back down and fall in line. But my instincts told me to open up and move in to it–to find what was right among all that was wrong about what he was doing and bringing. For example, it was clear to all to see that Gary was actually trying to avoid being accountable for his goals. But I could feel it–and I think everyone else could–that there was something right and he wouldn’t–or couldn’t–speak it.
That one act led to one change that may be a watershed for this organization. The reality is that our role there–at face value–has lessened. We took a step back. In fact, at the end of our retainer, it’s now easier to for them to go one without us. Yet, for me, becoming a leader isn’t about remaining needed. It is about learning and growing and supporting my evolution and the evolution of those around me. So, stepping back was right. Stepping back was powerful. Stepping back was the unknown and the new.
I enjoyed last week immensely, though it was quite exhausting. Which brings me to my second example of how we stepped back last week. But that example will need to wait.
What are you resisting now that–if you were to go in to it by asking what is right about it–would enable you to become a better leader? There are always (and I mean always) the answers we most need stuck right in the middle of what we most resist. Go there. I doubt you will be disappointed. I wasn’t. And if you do go there, please let us know here on this blog. You just might start something. And isn’t that part of what leadership is about?
Step 2: Reflection
The second step in the process involves some reflection.
First, consider the following questions:
- Which of the two lists do you have the strongest feelings about right now as you read over them–your strengths or your weaknesses?
- What words would you use to describe your sense of enjoyment or appreciation of such introspective exercises as this, where you are asked to examine your strengths and weaknesses? Is it a pleasure? A pain? Neutral?
Second, go back to your two lists now and place a check mark by as many as five of the chararacterisics on your list you would most like to see changed over the next 12 months.
Now I’m going to give you the steps I am working with from Chapter 4 of Breaking the Rules. The chapter is called Changing Perceptions, and it is primarily about developing a strengths-based mindset.
Step 1: Define Your Strengths and Weaknesses
The first step in working with strengths and weaknesses is to define them. It is pretty simple:
- Grab a piece of paper and something to write with
- Draw a line down the middle of the page
- Title one column Six Greatest Strengths and the other Six Most Bothersome Weaknesses
- Write the six strengths and weaknesses
It is very important to notice how you feel while writing the list. Notice how you feel as you write each one. You will need to remember these feelings to complete the remaining steps.
I have found I’m pretty good at taking information, distilling it down and adding some context that makes it more understandable to most folks. I enjoy doing that, and wish I had more time to do it! I once thought of making a business out of reading books, distilling them, adding context and designing what the authors almost always leave out–how to take action on the information.
Anyway, I’ve outlined the first three chapters of Breaking the Rules, the book I mentioned in my last post. I am going to try an experiment of selling the outline on my web site to see if people might like to start buying my summaries. I call them Otis Notes.
I’m looking for some feedback on them. So if you are willing to provide me with some feedback regarding how I’m doing this, I will send you my outline of the first three chapters free. Just email me privately at otis@leadershipforge.com with a subject line that says “Three Free.” You don’t even need to write a note, nor will I use your email address for any other reason other than to send you the free notes that describe how to ask right questions.
I’ve just outlined the first three chapters of a book called Breaking the Rules by Kurt Wright. I’m enjoying the book, though I’m only 50 pages through it.
His basic premise is that effortless, high level performance is predicated on developing a few simple capacities. Two of them are: One, seeing how limiting our perceptions are. Two, specifically looking at the perceptions we have about what we believe are our weaknesses. His belief is that we need to focus on our strengths, when in fact most of us are obsessed with our weaknesses (trying the hide them, wallowing around in them, or swinging between both). That, and learn how to ask questions that (1) engage your intuition as opposed to your mind and (2) help you shift your perception into a state of receptivity.
Now, I am not buying the focus-on-your-positives “thing” hook, line and sinker. (More on that later.) I mainly don’t buy the “positive thinking” thing because “focusing on the positive” often means avoiding or denying the negatives. He kind of tippy-toes around this, and it is a slippery slope to see your weaknesses without indulging in them, so I am suspending judgment until I’ve completed the book. Perhaps he addresses this later in the book.
But I do believe that it is very important to be able to see my positives clearly, and to see with fresh eyes how my focus on the my negatives / weaknesses holds me back. I do know that I do focus on my negatives too much. Often through defensiveness. And sometimes by avoiding stepping up to things that have the potential to draw my negatives to the fore where they can be seen. And I know that keeps me “playing small.”
Whether I agree with Wright wholeheartedly or not, I’m learning some things I can integrate in to my approach to becoming a leader. What I am doing while reading his book is looking at my own bias against “focus on the positive” thinking while also looking at how I overamplify and therefore attempt to suppress my weaknesses and avoid playing a bigger game where they may come out in spades.
The first three chapters provided the context for his work and his framework for “asking the right questions.” That was what encouraged me to read the book in the first place–I love the power of asking “right questions.” And I tend to be too directive when I ask questions of others, like I know what they should know. So I use questions to guide them to what I think I know on their behalf, rather than asking questions that support them in finding their own answers in their own timing.
Chapter 4 is about learning to work with perception, and most specifically the perceptions we have about our strengths and weaknesses. This is what I will be sharing with you. The five steps I just worked through on the airplane on the way here to Toronto. I’ll give you the steps, what I came up with, the insights I reached, and the actions I’ll be taking as a result of the insights. In short, I’ll share how I am applying what I’ve learned from the book as I learn what it is to become a leader.
If you are going to be a leader, that implies you are gonna lead (even if the only thing you are leading is your own life). If you are are going to lead, you’ve got to know where. Where is always relative to where you are. Therefore, if you are leading somewhere, or if you are trying to map out where you are headed, getting clear about where you are is a very good place to start. Lots of folks overlook that. They think they know where they are.
So Where Are You? Where Am I? Right now I am working through a process myself that is interesting. I’d like to share it with you. I thought maybe we could go through it together.
Want to put this process of finding out where you are so you can get a better sense for where you want to head–and how to get there–through the paces? This is particularly appropriate if, like me, you’ve been playing a bit too small, hamstrung by some limiting beliefs. Want to give it a go? If you can think of someone who might want to play along side of you, by all means. Pass this along.
Fetch your self a sheet of paper, a writing stick and 10-15 minutes.
1. Draw a line down the middle of the page
2. Title the columns “My Six Greatest Weaknesses and “My Six Greatest Strengths”
3. Fill out the page with six of each.
Important! As you complete the process notice how you feel as you write each strength and weakness down. It is just as important that you notice how you are feeling in the exercise as it is what you write down in the exercise.
Got it? Good. It’s as simple as that. So what’s next?
If you want to know what you can then do with those six strengths and weaknesses, press the “No Comments” link above this post and just ask what to do next. If someone has already commented, the link will say “Comments”. But, go ahead. Push the button. Sound off. Tell me you’re ready. Because you know what? I’m not posting more about this process if you aren’t interested. What’s the point?
But if you do ask, you’ll get two things. First, another post suggesting the next step in the process, and, second, I will share my answers with you and encourage you to do the same. 
OK. I know what you are thinking. You are thinking other people will sound off, you can watch the steps that unfold, then you can decide whether you are going to go through the five steps or so this will take. Hey, that’s an approach. And in the words of Dr. Phil, “How’s that approach workin’ for ya?”
Why read mindlessly or hold back timidly when you can engage? Hey, leadership isn’t about sitting on the sidelines. Leadership is about leaving it all on the field! I am going to hang it all out, right here, right now. I didn’t make up these steps. I am reading the steps. I am stopping. I am answering. And I am posting. Each step along the way. If you got da fever, jump in. The water’s fine. And if no one takes the bait, I’ll just get on with posting about other matters. Like how to be a good unicorn in a balloon factory.
Let’s pick up from that last post.
What’s the bottom line about having a clear Definition, Direction and Purpose, a clear DDP? Nine out of ten people cannot clearly articulate what they are trying to do, and the same nine out of ten wonder why what they want is not happening. Be the one out of ten that does know and doesn’t have to wonder. Write a DDP. Try it.
“For he that hath, to him shall be given:and he that hath not, from him shall be taken even that which he hath.” Mark 4:25
I know what you may be thinking. “Well, Otis has that insight and that is fine for him but I don’t have that insight and I don’t understand the process and he does this all the time and so I can’t write a good DDP. That just isn’t where I am. I will wait until I can have a good one.” (Arms folded and crossed.)
I am here to tell you that is some backasswards thinking. And you get what you deserve if you stick with it. How on God’s green earth can any of us move forward until we own what we’ve got and have been given? Even if you are indulging in the belief you have very little, at least own that. Capture it in a form where you can learn to value it. If you do, you will see that you have more and more value.
The above scripture captures it so well–if you do not value what you’ve been given, and therefore perceive you have very little, even that will be taken from you. But if you value what you have, and therefore perceive to have a lot that you can and should value, even more will be given to you.
So you want to serve? You cannot add much value at all until you value what you have already added to your own life and experience. Writing and working with and evolving a DDP is a wonderful way to “ground” on the physical plane your intent to take up in your own hands what you already have, and begin to use that to built what you know you are capable of but have been avoiding, shying away from or denying.
My DDP isn’t perfect, and it probably doesn’t pertain to you. But at least it will help you understand a bit about what “becoming a leader” means to me. And, I hope, that it might prompt you to write your own. And more importantly, to breathe life into it, to bring it alive, through action.
Take what you already have, and use it with all you’ve got. You lack nothing other than the willingness to do exactly that. And the best way I’ve found to start, is with a Definition, Direction and Purpose. Why? Because it is awful hard to get a feeling for where you are going if you don’t know where you are, and it is very hard to know where you are if you cannot value what has brought you here.
Below you will see my primary DDP statement, followed by a list of intentions that “flesh out” the DDP statement.
How do you know when you’ve got a good DDP statement? If it strikes a chord in you and if it causes you to act, you’ve got a good one. I can read my DDP and it does both things for me–it inspires me, and I can clearly get a sense for the next actions I need to take, and I take them. Sharing this with you is one of those actions.
My Definition, Direction and Purpose
I want to become a true leader in this world,
one relevant to these times.
In doing this, I want:
• to become fully authentic;
• to collaborate with others;
• to learn to co-create with the invisible forces of life.
I want to perform work relevant to these times that others want and need and that aligns with my passion, training, experience and soul’s purpose.
In doing this, I want:
• financial success, providing well for me and my family;
• quality of life with my self, family and friends;
• a beautiful place to live in an area, on land, in a house we love; and
• community, to relate in truly meaningful ways with others near and far.
“If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.”
Lao Tzu
I suppose a good place to start sharing with you about my path to becoming a leader is to let you in on where I am headed. This way, as I take my steps and share them with you, that sharing will have context. I will borrow from the work of Machaelle Small Wright, an provide this to you in the context of my DDP, my Definition, Direction and Purpose. Some might call it a vision statement, others a purpose statement and others a mission.
My DDP has evolved over time. Initially, my work DDP was more about work than it was about me. As I became more clear about what I both want and need, my work DDP has changed to reflect that.
At this point, my work DDP is now focused more on me (becoming a leader) than the construct or form in which I do that. I can become a leader in any forum, really. In my marriage with my wife. In my relationships with friends and family. Working as a consultant. Working as a team member within a team.
Months ago, I made a very subtle change in my DDP which was related to this last turn in my journey. My prior DDP was about doing work where I share my knowledge of leadership with others. Then, at a feeling level, I felt something was “off.” I felt compelled to simply say that I wanted to become a leader, and just trust that my work would flow from that. Why is that important?
Two male friends of mine, both of whom were clients, just emailed me and told me where they were at with their work. Both are at different points in launching new businesses and trying to figure out what their focus and message is. I shared with them the most important thing I have learned–it doesn’t matter what you say you will do, or try to do, if it is not born of your own experience, your own passion and reflective of your own self-knowledge.
I am increasingly aware that the only thing of value I really have is my own self-knowledge, my own experience/talent, and my willingness and capacity to share both with others. And not to “tell” someone what to do, or give them my framework, or whatever. But to let them know that I understand, that I have been through it and that they can, too, and maybe to ask a meaningful, feeling provoking question or point to something that, upon seeing it, might activate their own inner guidance.
I am telling you this because my DDP has evolved, it has evolved because of my evolving knowledge of my self, and my work is changing as a result. It is really, really easy to get that backwards. For years I searched for the right mentor, for the right framework, for the right focus, for the right profession, for the right company, for the right niche, for the right market, for the right combination of things. And all along the way, I was leaving my own self, my own knowledge, my own value, out of the equation.
In my next post, we will wrap this up and I will share my DDP with you. Stay tuned!
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