Update from the Field

Wow, what a saga. Sara and I have now worked through an incredible number of hurdles in buying the 11 acres we were under contract to purchase. We hit a one-two punch that just about killed the deal. First, the inspections. The place needed about $12K in repairs due to deferred maintenance. Second, the place appraised for less than the contract price.

We negotiated through it all. I’ll spare you the details of the journey, and the hours and hours of time we spent working these issues. The stress and strain. The emotional ups and downs. Yet I will tell you one thing.

We were dead stuck in the negotations and I’d been looking for a sign as to what direction to take. I was emotional and increasingly unconscious. Sara, in her unswerving belief that all the answers and clues we seek are right in front of us, kept the focus (and me) on looking for direction from the world around us even when we were dead stuck.

And Sara, in her never ending quest to support me in becoming both a leader and a male, stepped back at a defining moment. It kind of took my breath away. I knew exactly what she was doing. I could feel it. We spoke nothing of it. Right in the midst of the most intense stuff, without saying a word, she stepped back and whispered something to me without uttering a word.

I trust you fully to make this decision and to take care of this.

So, there I was. Right in the thick of it. The deal could go either way. Communications had stopped. Two years of work to find and buy the right property potentially awash. Frustrated. Stressed. Stuck. Emotional. Self righteous. Indignant. Prideful. And highly emotionally UNintelligent. Yet still aware enough to hold a sliver of focus on looking for a sign I couldn’t find or the feeling I couldn’t sense. And my wife saying, I trust you to do what is right. Between her belief in me and the stress of the situation a crucible formed.

Right, when I least expected it, a feeling hit the mark like an acupunture needle hits a meridian and the body shudders in release. “This has become destructive. This direction you are now feeling in your bones is what is right. You know this.” What I knew to do was counterintuitive. It meant leaving some money on the table I probably didn’t have to leave there. It meant swallowing my pride. It meant backing away from a fight I could probably have won in exchange for knowing that to back down was what was right for the whole and for all of times.

I called Sara to share my feelings. It didn’t take long. I was so clear. The strategy rang true to her. It was so simple, so easy, so balanced and so right. Our realtor–a gift from God to us–was dumbstruck at our move. I could feel our move affect her as a human being. She delivered the message. We completed the negotiations. We are scheduled to close on May 18th.

What did I learn? A little bit about finding my feelings. A little bit about the power of following them.  A little bit about becoming a leader. A lot regarding becoming a male, of what I become capable of when Sara artfully steps back and places her full trust in me in an unimpeachable moment… of what a gift a wife is who can put the growth of her husband ahead of her desire to control the outcome of a dream she’s had to own a farm and to work with nature there.

“Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.”

Proverbs 19:14

Hello World! (The First Post)

Sara and I were sitting in the small town park of Monticello, UT on September 22, 2008. We’d just driven on our BMW motorcycles from Moab, UT through a cold, cutting wind and were making our way to Pagosa Hot Springs, CO. We pulled over to a gas station, got some hot water to make tea, and walked across the road to a small park. It was 9:40 am.

A rose garden was there in this quaint, small park and there was just a bit of life left in the roses. The wind was still strong, and with hands cupped around our tea, we made our way to a picnic table to settle ourselves. Now, 9:42 am.

We were there for a pause–to watch and listen for a few minutes as the autumn equinox rolled in. And there it came. The wind died quickly, the anointed moment came, 9:44 am, the stillness spoke, a minute lingered in stillness, the autumnal equinox rolled in, and the wind picked up again. And so did we. We mounted our bikes, and headed east.

Why were we there, and why did we stop? From the perspective of nature, the autumnal equinox ushers in a new cycle. And just as we can welcome the start of a new cycle in nature, we can ask for a new cycle for ourselves. We were there for both.

We really didn’t know what we were asking for. At least I didn’t. But we asked for the new to come in. And if you don’t know what you are asking for, it is awful hard to be disappointed. I haven’t been.

What I wanted was a new direction in my work and life. Fired from my corporate job seven years ago, I’d built a successful business consulting and executive coaching business. But it seemed like there was more. Further, Sara and I wanted to create a new life, to move from the beautiful high desert of Santa Fe, NM to the verdant Willamette Valley between Portland and Eugene. [Yes, we know it rains there 210 days out of the year.]

The reason this is relevant to this first post and this blog is that here we are, six months later, March 20, 2009 at 4:44 am on the vernal equinox, the time when nature shifts (springs!) from intent (autumnal equinox) and design (winter solstice) into manifestation. It is arising. And the statement of my desire six months ago in that small-town Utah park is taking form now.

My life is changing. Sara and I now live in Oregon. And we are close to buying 5-10 acres of land here, stepping into a life neither of us have lived and hoping that friends and family will join us in the future to shape a new future together.

My work is changing. I have suspended my business. I now work with one client full time, becoming, in effect, more like an employee. There, I am becoming a leader and a team member of a large transformation effort in a half a billion dollar company. After seven years, I’ve decided to stop teaching leadership and to instead, well, to be one for a year.

This blog is about that journey. What one man is learning as he becomes a leader, one relevant to these new times. Perhaps it is even about becoming a true male, too. I hope you enjoy what I have to share, that in some way you find it helpful, and that you will provide me with your input and your comments along the way.